It’s chilling totalitarian stuff, the sort of thing my grandparents’ generation fought World War II to stop.

The reality, of course, is that Theresa May’s unelected government have found out the hard way what every Labour government in history has always known; that a government’s freedom of action is constrained by what the markets will allow. And the markets appear to be vetoing a Hard Brexit.

Not that there is any point attempting to explain the Lump of Labour fallacy to Daily Express readers. They will only assume you are talking about John Prescott.

All you need is one six-sided die and the table below, and you will at once be generated headlines day after day that match the exacting standards set by the paper.

1.  Next week’s cold, wet or windy weather forecast described in apocalyptic terms.
2. Spin minor fluctuations in the stock market as great or terrible news for millions of pensioners
3. Announce a miracle cure for an ailment suffered by the elderly, while neglecting to mention the cure won’t be available until long after the paper’s current readership will have died of old age.
4. Princess Diana conspiracy theory that sounds as though it’s based on something that a friend of a friend heard from some bloke down the pub.
5. Reheat last week’s highly dubious Madeline McCann story in the microwave.
6. And finally, a hysterical and completely made-up story about immigration, taking care to blame everything on the EU.

If you think I’m joking, just look at the actual Daily Express headlines for a few consecutive days and see for yourself.