Music Blog

All the music-related posts gathered together in one place.

The Transformed Man II?

Alan K Henderson recalls the songs from William Shatner’s ‘classic’ “Transformed Man”, and shudders at the thought that the man might one day consider a followup, making apalling mockeries of well-loved classics. So he came up with the following list.

Top Ten Songs That William Shatner Should Be Legally Banned From Singing

10. “Achy-Breaky Heart” (Billy Ray Cyrus)
9. “Sympathy for the Devil” (Rolling Stones)
8. “Space Truckin’” (Deep Purple)
7. “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” (AC/DC)
6. “Gentle on my Mind” (Glen Campbell – also recorded by Leonard Nimoy)
5. “Stairway to Heaven” (Led Zeppelin)
4. anything by the Bee Gees
3. “Bohemian Rhapsody” (Queen)
2. “Theme to ‘Shaft’” (Isaac Hayes)
1. “I’m Your Captain” (Grand Funk Railroad)

I couldn’t resist adding a few more…

11. “Get your hands off my woman” (The Darkness)
12. “Anarchy in the UK” (The Sex Pistols)
13. “Spirit of the Age” (Hawkwind)
14. “Starship Trooper” (Yes)
15. “I’m the Urban Spaceman” (Bonzo Dog Doo-dah Band)
16. “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” (Meatloaf) Slasfic fans; don’t even think about this as a duet with Leonard Nimoy…
17. “Bike” (Pink Floyd)
18. “Wannabe” (The Spice Girls)
19. “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” (Frank Zappa)
20. “Killed by Death” (Motorhead)

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Why Americans have no IQ

Thanks to The Ministry of Information for the link to this interview with Martin Orford of IQ which tells us why British Prog Rock bands don’t tour the US. It ain’t pretty.

Interviewer: You may have already partially answered this, but why don’t we see IQ more often in the States? Or Jadis as well?

Martin: Well. Because US Immigration won’t let us in. We’re not allowed to come in. They don’t like overseas bands. They say it takes the work away from US bands. If you turn up to a US airport with a guitar, they’ll put you on the next plane back home. The only people that manage to do it are the Scandinavian bands, and they’ve got sponsorships from their own governments. The only way that you can play the States is to get work permits, which basically they don’t give to people whose main profession is not being in a band. Our main profession is not being in a band, so there’s no way we’re going to get work then to be in a band. The only way that we can do a gig in the States is not-for-profit. You can’t do a tour like that.

Except for possibly Libya and North Korea outside of the US, it’s the most difficult place to come to if you’re in a band. I mean, somewhere like Russia is probably a lot easier. It is the most unwelcoming place that you could possibly find if you’re in a rock band. It’s unbelievably difficult to get an overseas band through Immigration. You can’t do it. The only way you can do it is do it not-for-profit and lie through your teeth when you come in. That’s all you can do.

Nobody in the US knows about this.

Interviewer: But yet our bands can go over there and generate revenue for other countries?

Martin: Yeah. But there is a very aggressive policy to stop overseas bands from coming into the US. So that’s why we don’t come over more often. That’s why we’re playing Mexico and not the US. We can land in a US airport if we’re in transit to somewhere else, but they won’t send us on with our guitars if we’re going to a US destination.

With one or two exceptions, British prog-rock bands part-time affairs; with progressive rock so marginalised, the market just isn’t big enough for more than one or two full time acts. So most progressive musicians must take a day job to pay the rent. This is why bands like IQ only release an album every five years or so; I think they’ve released seven studio albums in a career stretching over 20 years, and only three of those in the past 15.

Sadly bureaucratic officialdom doesn’t recognise things like this. Both European progressive rock bands and US progressive rock audiences are the losers.

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New to the Blogroll

I found this one via my referral logs: The Ministry of Information, containing some very well-written reviews of recent prog-rock releases.

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Anathema – A Natural Disaster

If the ficticious Ümläüt were a real band, they would sound like Anathema.

Anathema started out in the mid-90s as straight Doom-Metal band, sounding like a slowed-down Black Sabbath with tortured, grunting vocals. However, after original vocalist Darren White left and rhythm guitarist Vincent Cavanagh stepped up to the mike, the band began to change. Clean vocals replaced the grunting, and over the next few albums their sound acquired an atmospheric, Floydian edge, although with a strong Goth flavour. Their evolution culminated in the superb albums “Alternative 4″ and “Judgement”, the latter of which completely blew me away when I first heard it. Unlike many bands they’ve never been content to find a successful formula which they repeated album after album, each has been a progression on what’s gone before.

However, with their last album, “A Fine Day to Exit”, I felt they’d taken a wrong turn, and the indie-flavoured album sounded too much like a poor man’s Radiohead (admittedly it was still vastly better than Radiohead’s post-”OK Computer” self-indulgent noodlings). While it did improve on repeated listenings, for me at least, it didn’t reach the peaks of it’s two predecessors. Therefore I approached this new disk with trepidation. Was “A Fine Day” a temporary blip, or did it represent the point when the band “Jumped the Shark”?

The opener, “Harmonium” begins with simple synth chords and a murmured, repeated vocal figure, making me fear the worst. Was this to be their “Kid A”? But no, two and half minutes into the song twin metal guitars come crashing in, the heaviest thing they’ve played for several albums. The metal crunch which was largely missing from the last release is back.

After repeated listens, this album is up there with “Alternative 4″ and “Judgement”, with it’s blend of metal, goth, and progressive rock. It’s not a clone of those albums, though, retaining some of the Radioheadesque bits of “A Fine Day”. A step sideways, perhaps, rather than a step backwards.

Like many great albums, it’s hugely varied, from the heaviness of the opener, “Harmonium”, “Are you there”, with it’s big synth chords and gently chiming guitar, to the very punky “Pulled Under at 2000 metres a second”, with it’s vocal line recalling Pink Floyd’s “Sheep”. My favourite is probably the ballad “Flying” featuring the albums only real guitar solo. Finally there’s the ten-minute instrumental closing track, “Violence”, which begins with a gentle classical style piano figure before giving way to thrashing guitars, playing the same chords as the initial piano figure. After the guitars build to a crescendo and fade out, we’re left gentle and emotional solo piano again.

Anathema are one of those bands that deserve far greater success than they’ve so far achieved. Will this be their breakthrough album?

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It Was A Time of Darkness

So The Darkness didn’t manage to get the Christmas Number One.

My review of their album seems to have attracted rather too many semi-literate comments of the ‘they suck/they rock/U R all morons for thinking..’ variety by assorted poorly-socialised 12-year olds.

The Darkness are not a great band, merely a good band that had the good luck to be in the right place at the right time. It’s silly to try and compare them to Queen, Led Zeppelin or Thin Lizzy; on present form, with just one album recorded, they’re not even in the same league. That’s not to say they won’t achieve greater things in the future, given a good producer and a good manager; they’ve already demonstrated their ability to write hits, and I think it’s too early to write them off as one hit wonders. Their second album will indicate whether they’re likely to mature into a major act or not.

Their success is has a lot to do with the moribund state of the British music scene at the moment. The music buying public are tired of the formulaic manufactured Pop-Idol sausage-factory pop pap. Likewise, they’ve tired of the angst-ridden whiny indie-rock from the likes of Radiohead and Coldplay, which has got very boring. Radiohead (who were once a good band) are now self-indulgent, pretentious and dull; they and their imitators are actually guilty of all the crimes 70s prog-rock was merely falsely accused of. It needs a noughties equivalent of punk to sweep them all away. Are The Darkness the new Sex Pistols?

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Worst Album Covers of All Time

Are these the Worst Album Covers Ever? Or perhaps these? Featuring Manowar, The many faces of Roger (all of them bad), and something called “Satan has been paralized”. Erk! (Thanks to Alan Monk for the link)

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Beware the Fanboys

In Wanting More Than Anger, Bruce Baugh, line editor of Gamma World tells us some of the things he dislikes about fanboy behaviour.

I’ve been thinking lately about the extent to which fandom – any fandom – seems to be about providing reasons to be angry. If you’re a fan of something mainstream (in terms of the hobby in question), you can get angry whenever it changes and whenever something new comes along and gets any popularity. If you’re a fan of something less popular within the field, you can be angry at the mainstream for not getting the obvious merits of your clearly superior thing. If you’re into the history of the field, you can be angry at how everyone else is neglecting treasures of the past, and if you’re trying to create something new, you can be angry at all the traditionalism and stuck-in-the-mudness. And of course wherever you are on questions like that, you can be angry at the public at large for marginalizing this wonderful thing (or worse, depending on how much you feel like indulging a persecution complex).

Many reviewers have been harsh on Gamma World, and there’s been a lot of vitriol on the boards of Pyramid Online and elsewhere. Most of the nastiest comments have come from people that liked one of the earlier incarnations of GW, and hate what Bruce has done with this one. At the end of the day, it’s only a game. Nobody is forcing anyone to buy it at gunpoint.

I find there’s something pathological about more extreme fanboy behaviour. I feel that anyone for whom the continuity of a movie franchise or comic book series is a crucial part of their identity has a serious need to get a life. It extends to music as well; one reason I no longer read many bands’ mailing lists is the constant hate between different sects of fanboys. The Marillion one was particularly bad. I was on that list at the time Anoraknophobia came out, and there were terrible flamewars between the sect that believed it was the best album they’d ever done, and those that believed it was a betrayal of everything the band stood for.

It even extends to model railways. Every time any major manufacturer releases a flagship new model, there’s a chorus of people on lists like Demodellers condemning it’s inaccuracies. “It’s 2mm too wide!”, they cry, “The cantrail is all wrong”. For the people that don’t like Gamma World, look at this; scroll down to the Monday evening – 03/11/03 entry. (Bah! no permalinks!) Has anyone torn up a copy of GW, photographed the result, and posted it to the net?

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Where have the solos gone?

This review of Pat Benatar’s latest album has sparked a discussion. What’s happened to guitar solos? Why have they gone so completely out of fashion that even bands like Rush and Metallica feel obliged to release albums devoid of any solos?

It seems the culprit is Grunge, which was a reaction against the soulless widdlywiddly soloing of 80s hair metal. Like punk in Britain a decade and a half earlier, Grunge threw the baby out with the bath water and rejected guitar solos altogether. Somehow solos have vanished from the British scene as well, and we’re stuck with boring strummy stuff.

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Something Awful about Radiohead

Something Awful rants about Radiohead. This is about their unlistenable “Kid A”

‘IDM’ which is an imaginary sub-genre of electronic music (the “I” stands for “Intelligent” which stands for “pretentious and meaningless”). One would think that such wild-eyed, obstreperous garbage would have no choice but to be interesting, but Radiohead once again defied expectations by making the albums as boring as a tea-party with grandma. Not even your own grandma, with whom you had an emotional connection. This was like a tea party with your neighbor’s grandma. The decidedly lukewarm reaction from the music press only added to the die-hard fans’ mistaken impression that these albums were deep and mysterious.

I thought “OK Computer” was a decent album (although a few Dave Gilmour style guitar solos would have improved it immensely), but after that, they Jumped The Shark in spectacular fashion. However, large sections of the music press continue to worship them. (Link from Adam)

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Eric Olsen and the Plectrum of Doom

A narrow escape from a Rock and Roll Death worthy of Spïnal Tap.

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