Memes Blog

Carnival af the Vanities reaches a Peak, with a 138-ton 1-Co-Co-1′s worth of links, at Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

Tom Coates of plasticbag.org is forced by a new job to go cold turkey from Apple Macs. It’s not pretty…

As a result my extended connections to my social network – mediated through my alien stone, my totem computer – continue to atrophy. My sense of what’s going on around me is collapsing. I’m no longer sitting at the centre of the Panopticon. Instead I’m peripheral. What is central is the urinal of Windows machinery that, if I am thirsty for information, I must drink from. The internet that squeezes its way through task managers, continual crashing and word processors in browsers is not an internet I’m familiar with. It’s an ill-formed, thick and sticky horror – like Roast Lamb gone cold and congealed with fat. Coughed up by a used car salesman.

Let’s face it, many of us Brits are sick of him, but he’d be a big improvement on The Shrub. So now there’s Tony Blair for US President campaign!

But he’s not a US citizen, I hear you cry! They’ve thought of that.

To the cynics and cranks who brandish their dog-eared copies of the Constitution, we offer a collective raspberry (A derisive or contemptuous sound made by vibrating the extended tongue and the lips while exhaling – The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition).

Pthththbbbbttt!!!!

Are you troubled by blogroaches? Is your blog infested by Freepi, Randroids, Trotskyites or Yngwie Malmsteen fans? If so, you need the Random Insult Generator to respond to those that leave nasty comments in your blog.

Your post is a tedious, homogenised, chameleon-esque scribble which amounts to nothing more than the demented cacophonous racket of a drugged lunatic banging loudly on kitchen pots and pans. I suggest you hone your writing skills before applying borrowed glories as a mere typist.

Trying to get something of value out of your post is like trying to squeeze orange juice out of an apple. You are obviously suffering from Clue Deficit Disorder. Well, you’re certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. To quote Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

You are about as entertaining as watching grass grow in a windowbox. What do you do for a living? You are living, aren’t you? You have the warm personal charm of a millipede and about as much class as a bucket of mucous lodged on top of a dumpster in a Blue Light district of New Jersey. Maybe you wouldn’t come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if you weren’t an ‘idiot savant’ without the ‘savant’ part; if your weren’t so fat that when God said “Let there be Light”, he told you to move your fat ass out of the way, or if you didn’t have a face that makes people ask: “Damn, is it Halloween already?” Who am I kidding? You would.

Please try to have some small idea of what in the hell you’re talking about before you try to post again.

(Thanks again to Adam Lipscomb)

My friend Kevin Hooke forwarded his. Has someone from Timepiece or Stopwatch got lost in our continuum and wants to get home? Or is someone just trolling for addresses of gullible schucks?

From:
To:
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2003 10:08 PM
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed ftls bwshw cbi

Greetings,

We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply. I’m offering $5,000 US dollars just for referring a vender which is (Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details of vendor required, including name and phone #. If they turn out to be reliable in supplying the below equipment I’ll immediately pay you $5,000. We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.

1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with z80 or better memory adapter. If in stock the AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be great if reliable models are available

2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete jumper/auxiliary system

3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.

4. I will also pay for Schematics, layouts, and designs directly from the manufature which can be used to build this equipment from readily available parts.

If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.

Email his details to me at: spammer@spammer.isp

Please do not reply directly back to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

It’s Carnival of the Vanities #42, at Winds of Change this week.

This week’s Carnival of the Vanities, number 41, can be found at Amish Tech Support.

I suspect Bigwig might be going to go to Hell for this.

I didn’t think Boy Scouts were allowed to use words like this.

Photo from the Internation Scout Centre, Kandersteg, Switzerland.

From Making Light, another example of the awful tat that people with no taste waste their money on. Customized Classics prints personalised copies of classic works such as Romeo and Juliet, The Jungle Book or The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes with the names of the protagonists search-and-replaced by the names of your choice.

On the other hand, is wasting money of this kind of tat any worse than spending vast sums of money on N-gauge trains?