Author Archives: Tim Hall

Killer Whelks in Spaaaace

Charles Stross, author of the excellent Accelerando, has been wading into the sea of crap genre fiction.

We used to know what horror was about — it was about Killer Whelks menacing a quiet English seaside town, from which a strong-jawed but quiet fellow and a not-totally-pathetic female lead might eventually hope to escape with the aid of a stout two-by-four and a lot of whelkish squelching after trials, tribulations, and gruesome scenes of seafood-induced cannibalism.

I’m sure I read that book when I was about twelve. But, as Charlie points out, the stuff being ground out now is far, far worse, endless sagas of dodgy vampire-porn with dubious fundamentalist overtones.

He also has strong words on the current state of American SF, which doesn’t even seem to be approaching the Sturgeon Number.

Our field’s strongest energies are going into tiredly re-hashing the US Civil War, the Second World War, the War of the Triple Alliance, and the Russian Revolution. And they’re not even Doing It in spaaaaaaace. Well, some of them are: if I see one more novel about the US Marine Corps in the Thirty Seventh Century (with interstellar amphibious assault ships and a different name) I swear I’ll up and join the Foreign Legion. Folks, the past is another country, and you can’t get a visa. Ditto the future: they speak a different language and they get capitalism and the war on terror and the divine right of kings confused because they slept through history class.

Just about all the good SF I’ve read in the past few years has been British (or more specifically Scottish), from writers like Iain Banks, Ken MacLeod and Stross himself. He correctly points out that the so called ‘British Invasion’ isn’t just because we currently have a crop of good authors, but that American SF seems to have lost it’s way, and is content to churn out the increasingly formulaic. Has America lost faith in the future? Or is it just Sturgeon’s Law cutting in?

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Pretentious, Moi?

Vincent Baker comments on Ron Edwards’ new game, Spione

Spione is, however, a game that’ll inherently seem both very difficult and totally unrewarding to, well, to most gamers. It requires that its players have already developed – or be in the process of developing – certain skills, incompatible with certain other skills that most gamers rely on.

I gather the game is about cold war spies, focussing on the conflict between double agents personal lives and their roles as spooks. But apparently us traditional gamers are too brain-damaged ever to be able to play it.

Or alternatively, all he means is that the structure is radically different to a traditional RPG, and the stuff about ‘incompatible skills’ is either clever hype or pretentious nonsense, depending on your point of view.

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20 More First Lines

Rob has done another one, so have I. Same rules as before, if you recognise any, put the answers in the comments. These songs are from the sixties to the noughties, and there should be a couple of really easy ones this time round. I’ll post the answers in a couple of weeks time.

1. “As I draw my breath, and silver fills my eyes”
My Dying Bride, For My Dying Angel (Paul Erbehr)
2. “Brezhnev took Afganistan, Begin took Beirut, Galtieri took the Union Jack”
Pink Floyd, Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Desert (The Final Cut) (Steve Jones)
3. “Contained in everything I do there’s a love I feel for you”
Yes, Onward (from Tormato) (Steve Jones)
4. “Follow through, make your dreams come true”
5. “He goes to work in a brand new dawn”
Journey, Faith in the Heartland (Paul Erbehr)
6. “Hey now baby, get into my big black car”
Cream, Politician (Fred Webb)
7. “In the shuffling madness”
Jethro Tull, Locomotive Breath (Steve Jones)
8. “No I won’t interfere, I’m the only sound you’ll ever need to hear
9. “On top of the sky is a place where you go if you’ve done nothing wrong”
10. “Paint me a picture and hang it on the wall”
Rainbow, Self Portrait (also performed by Blackmores Night) (Steve Jones)
11. “Six of one and half a dozen, black guitars and plastic blues”
Porcupine Tree, Four Chords That Sold A Million (from Lightbulb Sun) (Steve Jones)
12. “Sprawling on the fringes of the city in geometric order”
Rush, Subdivisions (Hugh)
13. “Standing on a golf course, dressed in PVC”
Caravan, Golf Girl (Steve Jones)
14. “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’, that’s what I said”
Spinal Tap, Big Bottom (also covered by Hayseed Dixie) (Rob)
15. “The character actor plays romantic leads and the kitten curls in wet anticipation”
Fish, 3D (from “Fellini Days”) (Steve Jones)
16. “This place has a history, the Spaniards settled here”
Blue Öyster Cult, Harvest Moon (from Heaven Forbid) Hugh)
17. “We come from the land of the ice and snow”
Immigrant Song (The Led Zeppelin song, although the version I’d been listening to was a live version by Gotthard) (Fred Webb, Steve Jones)
18. “We’ll drink together, and when we drink together, we drink together”
19. “Well I’m here looking through an old picture frame”
Roxy Music, Editions of You (Steve Jones)
20. “You had it right in the palm of your hand, right before your eyes”

Posted in Music | 9 Comments

Destroy all Canards

On the Ngauge mailing list, a new poster asked for advice on what sort of model railway layout to build in a 15′ x 2′ area. One regular poster, a steam age modeller came up with the following…

A steam era layout is much better than modern image for a small area if you want shunting interest (lets face it, there is no shunting on the current railways), as it is much easier to justify lots of different facilities in a small area.

This oft-repeated canard needs skewering with extreme prejudice!

If you choose an appropriate location, there are plenty of opportunities for shunting in a post-1968 layout. Wagonload freight may have diminished a bit since the end of Speedlink in 1991, but still isn’t completely extinct even today. Rather than the hackneyed rural branch line terminus, there are plenty of opportunities for focussing a model on a single industry that uses multiple types of wagon. Combine that with all or part of a passenger station and/or a through route with passing traffic, and you’ll get a pretty interesting layout.

Some obvious examples for the industry:

  • A cement works, in incoming coal either in HAA hoppers or MEA ‘box’ wagons, and outgoing cement in a mixture of bulk powder wagons, and bogie vans carrying bagged cement.
  • A steel terminal, with incoming steel on bogie bolsters, SPAs, ferry vans and telescopic roof steel carriers.
  • A paper mill, which receives timber and china clay, and dispatches finished paper
  • The inevitable china clay works, which dispatches it’s product in bulk powder form in covered hoppers, slurry form in tankers, and bagged in vans.

I can think of a couple of prototypes as inspiration just off the top of my head. One is the exchange sidings at Hope in Derbyshire. Set in a highly scenic rural location, it’s the point where the privately-operated branch from the Blue Circle cement works meets the Manchester-Sheffield main line. A Blue Circle owned shunting locomotive shuttles between the cement works and the sidings with coal wagons, cement tankers and bogie ferry vans, which are then formed into trains (many of them mixes of vans and cement tanks) running to various parts of the country. Through traffic on the main line includes stone from Peak Forest (using the N-gauge society RMC hopper kit), the Manchester Binliner (refuse containers) and class 158 and 170 DMUs for passenger. And it’s even still got semaphore signalling!

If you want an urban, industrial setting, what about the steel terminal at Wolverhampton? This would make a great two-level layout. At the lower level you have the steel depot itself, with a variety of wagon types and a resident class 08 shunter. On the upper level you’ve got the double track electrified main line between Birmingham and Stafford, with a variety of traffic. There’s also trams on the main road, the street-running section of the West Midlands Metro. I’d model it just prior to 2002, when the Virgin Trains passenger services were still loco-hauled.

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Where NME Hacks Go to Die

This brain-dead review seems to sum up everything that’s wrong with British music journalists. It’s from the Murdoch Times, but seems to demonstrate the sort of NME snobbery British rock fans have had to put up with for the past 20 years. You definitely get the impression that this guy doesn’t actually like music. All he cares about is style and attitude, accompanied by lyrics that are deeply symbolic of man’s struggle against his socio-political environment.

Cloth-eared fools like him are the reason pseudo-intellectual poseurs like Franz Ferdinand or self-destructive idiots like Pete Docherty get all the publicity and exposure, thus ensuring that the British music public doesn’t get to hear anything other than third-rate music.

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Some things we do better over here

Cold Spring Shops reflects on the difference in connections and timekeeping between the two sides of the Atlantic.

Amtrak and the railroads could do more for their credibility by scheduling trains to connect, and enforcing the discipline to make the connections more reliably. Amtrak will not guarantee a connection with less than two hours between trains in Chicago. Although the Europeans pin Vienna to London in a day on six minutes in Cologne, there has to be a better solution.

One of these days I’m going to have to travel to Switzerland going by rail all the way instead of flying to Zurich and turning France into ‘flyover country’. French, German and Swiss timekeeping is such that those sorts of connections can actually be relied upon. Even if they can’t, the consequence of missing a connection is usually a delay of an hour, rather than being stranded until the next day.

Posted in Railways | 3 Comments

A Day at the Test

On Thursday I attended the first day of the Old Trafford test between England and Pakistan, the first cricket match I’ve been to for something like twenty years. It turned out to be a great day for England and not such a good day for Pakistan, who collapsed to 119 all out in the middle of the first afternoon. Over the next two days England went on to win the game by an innings with two days to spare.

Old Trafford

American readers probably find it strange that most individual spectators only attend a single day of a five-day match, and only follow the rest of the game on TV or radio. Only hardcore fans like Norm actually attend all five (or in this case, three) days.

I’m not so sure I agree with on this….

Anyone out there envying me my holiday should understand that, in this heat and humidity, it’s really hard work sitting in the sun all day watching cricket. You have to concentrate on the game while you’re sweltering. Plus: for much of the time there are people around you making what can only be described as an unpleasant racket. So it’s hard, I tell you. Others don’t realize. I arrive home in the evening exhausted.

The only ‘racket’ I remember a was group of kids chanting “Pakistan zindabad!”, and a middle-aged Pakistan supporter telling them to shut up with the words “Every time you lot chant that we lose another wicket!”

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The Great Journey Lip-Synch Controversy

A few weeks ago, I saw Journey at Manchester Apollo, which I thought at the time to be a superb show. Since then I’ve noticed the stories that have rumbling on for a while across various message boards, such as this one, suggesting that vocalist Steve Augeri had been lip-synching on some songs where he couldn’t hit the high notes.

Initially I dismissed these stories as malicious gossip, perhaps spread by diehard Steve Perry fans, which is why I didn’t blog about it at the time. But since Steve Augeri has been ‘temporarily’ replaced by Jeff Scott Soto, the dead tree media have picked up the story. As the official Journey website states:

Jeff Scott Soto to assume JOURNEY lead singer duties starting on July 7th in Bristow, VA due to Steve Augeri throat infection

July 6, 2006 — Due to a chronic throat infection, Journey’s lead singer, Steve Augeri, has been forced to leave the band’s current nationwide tour with Def Leppard. Jeff Scott Soto, who has previously performed with Journey guitarist Neal Schon, will assume the band’s lead singer duties starting with the July 7th show in Bristow, VA. Steve Augeri’s condition will be closely monitored by his physician to determine when he may be able to rejoin the tour.

According to Journey, “Steve’s been suffering with an acute throat condition since before we kicked off the tour with Def Leppard. We were hoping he’d be in well condition to handle the rigors of the road but unfortunately it appears to be a chronic condition requiring total voice rest. We all wish Steve a speedy recovery.”

I’m still not sure what to make of this. I did notice Augeri’s vocals falter in one song (it might have been ‘Faithfully’, which is one song I’ve heard mentioned), quite early in the set, but he was still note-perfect later in the show. Was I hearing taped vocals later on?

I’m not fond of the use of tapes or programming in live performance. I found myself annoyed when Paradise Lost used a lot of programmed keyboards rather than have a live keyboard player on stage last year. But background keyboards are one thing, lead vocals are another thing entirely.

I hope this story isn’t true, but I fear it might be.

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Blue Öyster Cult, Manchester Academy 2, 22 July 2006

This is the fifth time I’ve seen the mighty BÖC. Last time they played the tiny Live Cafe in Peter Street; this time it was the slightly larger Academy 3, which they at least managed to sell out.

Unfortunately the sell-out crowd didn’t quite get the full Öyster experience, for Allen Lanier was missing. I don’t recall any reason being given for Allen’s absence; I wonder if the eldrich reanimation ritual that Eric and Buck have to perform before every gig failed. More seriously, I hope whatever’s wrong with Allen isn’t too serious, and he’ll soon be back.

It says something about the ability of the rest of the band that they still managed to pull off a decent gig as a four-piece. Sure, there were some holes in the sound on a few songs, where Allen’s keyboard or rhythm guitar were missing from the mix. I’m think they also rearranged the set a bit, dropping some numbers that they really couldn’t do justice to without Allen’s playing. The new rhythm section impressed, especially bassist Richie Castellano, who managed a bass solo that wasn’t boring. He even sang lead vocals on “Hot Rails to Hell”.

There were a lot of songs I’ve never seen them play live before, like “This Ain’t the Summer of Love”, “I Love the Night”, and oldies like “Seven Screaming Dizbusters”, “Harvester of Eyes”, and “Hot Rails to Hell”. Nice to hear them play “Harvest Moon” from their late 90s comeback album “Heaven Forbid”. Still no Astronomy. Now long will I have to wait to see this song performed live?

One think I really noticed this time was the physical resemblance between Buck Dharma and Ken Hite. Has anyone ever seen the two of them together?

Overall, good but not great. I’ve seen far better shows from the Öyster boys, but there were extenuating circumstances.

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The Stars… They Must Be Mine

Yes, it’s true. Igor is the first Dork in space.

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